Saturday, July 12, 2008

Change is hard...

A couple of years ago, I had an epiphany about how lame I am/was. I don't like being told that I can't do stuff (it just makes me want it that much more), but I have NO problem telling myself that I can't do other things. For example, I can't seem to improv on songs that my band is working on (especially on the fiddle - my primary instrument). I don't think that I can't do it... as in, be creative enough to come up with something, it's just that I'm talking myself out of even trying!

So, my epiphany was that I won't say that I can't do it. If met with a task that seems over my head, I will say, 'I'll do it!' whether I can or not. In place of that thinking, I will put my best foot forward, give an honest effort and when or if I fall on my face, I will try again and again! The bad news is that I'm still struggling with it.

This past Tuesday, I was playing an intro on my mandolin to a song that had four bars (I think) to fill. I was filling like three and a half (with a whole lot of practice to learn just that), but couldn't come up with that last two beats for the life of me! I don't think I gave it my all on the mandolin, I over-thought it and internally talked myself out of it. I didn't want to further embarrass myself, so I gave up.

How lame am I?? I haven't gotten over it!! I know life is an on-going battle of change, but holy crap! You'd think I could have mastered something along the way! Ggggrrrroooooowwwllllll!!!


sue said...

Give yourself a break! Sounds to me like to you are being too hard on yourself.

Anonymous said...

OMG!! i'm the same.